The Name Family is thoroughly unlikeable. They reek of old money and are a law unto themselves. Their associates hate them, and everyone else would kill to be them - and often try!

Sharp Knives

The Names Clan


Sir Name is a writer, billionaire whose reputation for debauchery overshadows his notoriety as an author. He often attends university lectures just to hear professors and other authors vilify his work.


His wife, Dame Name, is a social harpy who throws dinner parties with the sole intent of causing psycho-drama and bloodshed within her social circle. The social editor of the city newspaper quit in frustration because all of the events she once covered became hard news due to their criminal content.


Know Name, the eldest daughter experiments on the various criminals who attempt to take both the family member’s lives as well as the family fortune. She paralyzes her potential subjects with an atomizer of poison derived from scorpion venom. Know attempted to create the ideal mate by transforming a black scorpion into a human male. The transformation was incomplete, and the resulting giant scorpion found employment as the head librarian at the city library. He spends most of his time in the book vault which he has converted into a torture chamber cum prison. His punishments for those with overdue or damaged books are rather Draconian. He sends Know books - those of which he deems quality literature - menacingly tied in black silk scarves.


My Name, the younger sister, investigates the criminals eventually capturing them and imprisoning them in the house dungeon. She is sexually attracted to cars and steals them for joyrides.


Name Name, the son, is a recluse who communicates by screaming and breaking things. In exchange for a monetary contribution to Sir Name’s alma mater, Name was given an honorary degree. Postgraduate, after another contribution - this time to a political candidate - Name was granted ambassadorship (in absentia) of Domain, a third world island.

The inhabitants of Domain quickly learned of Name’s family fortune and made him king in the hopes of improving their miserable lives with his wealth. Ruling Domain in his son’s stead, Sir Name exploits the illegal organ trade flourishing in Domain’s black market - he is a permanent fixture on the recipient lists for heart transplants due to his reckless lifestyle and family connections. Those hearts he burns out, he houses in shadowboxes on his study’s wall. Sir Name also leases the ocean around the island to foreign governments for their weapons testing; as a result, a whirlpool of death encircles Domain’s phosphorescent waters.

Grand Dame

Grand Dame, mother to Dame, grandmother to the Name children, and thorn in the side of Sir.


Sir Name’s former college roommate, Montrose, a frequent visitor to the Name house, has chain smoked since childhood and is now comprised of smoke from above the waist. Montrose goes to smog-choked countries for his respiratory health because he says “oxygen is for pussies.”


Scorp is head librarian at the city library, and Know’s boyfriend.


Droll, the butler, is the result of one of Know’s experiments with transforming animals into humans. He began life as a guinea pig.


Colette the maid is another result of one of Know’s experiments with transforming animals into humans. She began life as a feral cat.


The other member of the household staff, Carlos, is the bartender-in-residence. Carlos’s signature drink is the double Guatemala, the recipe for which is a closely-guarded family secret.


Stalker, the family’s golden retriever, still wears the tie from his former human wardrobe.


Marlo is Stalker’s playmate and partner in crime.


Dishy, known to leap off the table during the feast to hunt incentives (a species of eldrich bird) in the garden or to entertain itself by taunting Stalker or the guests with its claws. Whether the dish serves as an exoskeleton, a shell, or simply convenient cover for the monster residing within it is unknown…


Morsel is the offspring of Dishy.